What do you do when the pain is so intense that you can’t think straight? What do you do when you lie to yourself and say that it will be all right? What do you do? What do you do when you can’t sleep at night because secretly you’re afraid that someone you love will die and you won’t know when it happens? What do you do? What do you do when the pain is so intense that when you try to pull it out it feels like claws are scrapping your insides? What do you do? Do you lie and tell yourself you’ll be alright because you haven’t thought about what it means to lose someone who is part of your history? While they lie dying in the hospital do you lie to yourself and say you’ll be okay because you’re not going to think about it, because you're not going to think about what it means to lose them? Do you lie to yourself and say you’ll be okay because you won’t feel it until it’s over? Do you lie to yourself because you’ve been through it before and you don’t want to go through it again, please don’t make me go through it again. What do you do when others rely on you to be strong and you forgot how to do that? Do you lie to yourself until a friend tells you, ‘you aren’t the same’? Do you lie to yourself until someone catches you crying when everyone defines you as “stoic”? Do you lie to yourself until you can’t eat or sleep? Do you lie to yourself until your insides feel like broken glass? Do you lie to yourself? I do.
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